if i can run in heels then i can drive
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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