I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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