then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
