maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
