i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
