She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
