did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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