My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
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Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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