we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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