Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
