so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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