I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
