A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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