I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
