naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
