It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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