you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
