I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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