talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
