I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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