She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
