It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
