my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
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then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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