today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
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