just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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