Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
