we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
