My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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