i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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