Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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