Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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