Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
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She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
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I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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