well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Randomize
