Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
