you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
