Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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