so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
