...so i touched it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
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We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
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I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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