Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
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To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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