Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
