There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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