I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
