she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
