He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
