you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
