I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
