we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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