But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
