Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
