they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Alive.
So much puke
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
