I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
