Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?