he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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