i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I forgot how hot balto sounded
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity