Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
