i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs