they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time