why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?