Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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