her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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