The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
