Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
