Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
