Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize