just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
