I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need Xanax blowdarts
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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