oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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