dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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