I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
