I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
