I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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