They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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