I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize