smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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