Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
