Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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