She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
