I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
