That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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