Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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