that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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