his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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