Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
