i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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