What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Is Oprah even human
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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