hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
