is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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