i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
