i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
