Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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