i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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