I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
