You can't special order awesome
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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