Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
